Choosing openhearted living.

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how openhearted requests can be a win-win for all

Have you ever considered that when we want something from someone else – especially if we perceive they have done us wrong and “owe” us something – that our attitude may make all the difference to the end result?

Yesterday we went to Tribunal for the hearing of our compensation claim following the last three months of grossly mismanaged repair work and breaches that have been happening at the property we rent.

I’m delighted to say that in addition to the three rent rebates we had already secured, we were also awarded our additional compensation request in full, no questions asked.

What was particularly heart-warming was the way the Tribunal took the extra time to acknowledge and applaud the way we, the landlord, and the property agent had all worked very hard together to reach an agreement that then at Tribunal merely needed to be rubber-stamped.

Given the complexity of the case and the degree of discomfort, upheaval and disruption that we as tenants had endured, the Tribunal ruled that these joint efforts to heal and move on were indeed remarkable.

And it was a team effort.

All of us – working for the highest good of all involved.

You know, when that is your focus and you stand in your truth, so much can be achieved – and with peace and love too.

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Though my tribunal case is an instance that is personal to me and my life, the learnings I’ve been making as a result of it are universal:

  1. Agreements are best reached when we consider the position of others as well as our own. 
    When we filed the claim, we opted to include only what was fair and reasonable and true. We let go of any desire to “stick it” to the landlord, dropped any righteous (angry) sense of entitlement, and even took the self-initiated steps of doing what we could to reduce his dry-cleaning bill (by machine washing where possible) and offering to meet him halfway on one of the costs – before he even saw our claim. We did all this in the spirit of good will, out of a desire to collaborate rather than to punish or vanquish, and to treat the landlord as we would like to be treated.

  2. Be in anticipation that your request can actually be accepted and met. But don’t expect 
    Anticipation is the spirit of hope and being open to all possibilities. On the other hand, expectation arises from a belief in entitlement and that people should behave the way you want them to and give you what you want. I never once expected the landlord to agree to all aspects of our claim. In fact, I anticipated having to further negotiate. That said, I don’t think I ever once allowed myself to anticipate that I would just get everything I asked for, either! And yet get it I did. This shows me where I still need to open to the anticipation that life can and will deliver what I ask for. Maybe it’s the same for you!

  3. When life delivers you a favorable outcome, let the re-writing of an old story take place in your bones. 
    Take the time to notice that the old story of ‘’I can’t have what I want’’ or “I won’t be supported or met” isn’t intrinsically the truth of what is so, nor of what canbe so. This is just a personal myth you energised over time. Best, is to acknowledge every time life serves us something that challenges and negates that myth – for this act of acknowledging is part of how we take the power out of the old: by noticing the new that is right under our nose 😉

  4. When we speak and act from the heart, we help ourselves and everyone else involved shift to a higher level, and heal. 
    Serving our landlord with orders for Tribunal was the only remaining and functional way to resolve the mismanaged and ongoing repairs. As the property agent at Tribunal confirmed, our act had helped the landlord finally see beyond his stress about his own situation – and to recognise the pain and stress of ours. It enabled him to acknowledge and come to terms with the real truth and gravity of the situation – and to take the various actions that needed to be taken for the good of all of us, and that put him back in his personal power. The tradesmen also had to become accountable and operate within a structure which brought the works to a speedier conclusion.

  5. Let go of NEEDING the outcome and you let go of stress.
    We had zero attachment to receiving all or any of our additional claims for extra compensation. We decided if we didn’t get what we had asked for, well then we didn’t get it. To us, our happiness or sense of self didn’t depend on getting what we wanted or not getting it. This also set us free from going into Tribunal with any energy of ‘’battle’’ in which someone had to win and someone had to lose.

  6. Always go for – and include – the highest good for everyone. 
    We decided that should we be awarded any additional compensation (separate to our rent rebates), we would donate it to two local charities that help the homeless. Living the two extremes of chaotic repairs in our home and being rehoused in a penthouse, made us see how lucky we were to have shelter at all. And so we vowed to pay any good fortune forwards, should we receive it.  It’s a great feeling to now know that what we went through in our home can have another higher purpose by benefiting those who are homeless.

That’s all I wanted to share this week.

How we communicate is important, how we relate and have our discussions is critical, how we attempt to negotiate or meet needs…matters.

And if we do it with an open heart, transparency, and the highest good of all as the driving force, then amazing and beautiful things can happen.

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